I was 24, and this is the condition: pretending to know everything, while knowing nothing; pretending to be sure, while being always uncertain.
But before we face experience, that miserable enemy, let us have some innocence, just for a while.
- Martin Amis, “Experience”
British badass Martin Amis, receiver of Prettay Prettay Good’s coveted award for Extraordinary Achievement in a Malicious Written or Verbal Assault on the British Monarchy, is officially moving to Brooklyn. Last year he purchased a $2.5 million brownstone (see below) in Cobble Hill. Now, reports indicate he is on his way to New York. You can creepily view photos of his new property here.
Around the world, literary fans are celebrating Amis’ relocation. Abhishek Patel from Mumbai said he ran through the streets, squealing with joy and stripping off his clothes before being tackled by police. Revered left-wing blogger GanjaChomsky24 said she “totally just came” when she heard the news. We here at the Prettay Prettay Good office in Manhattan remain hopeful that Amis will come claim his award package, which includes a Zagat New York City Restaurants book from 2002 and some stale leftover Peeps from Easter. Welcome to the greatest city on earth, Mr. Amis!
Acclaimed British novelist and all around badass Martin Amis has lashed out at the “Royal” family and their upcoming, much ballyhooed wedding:
"There’s indeed something which doesn’t work in this story," says Amis, referring to the big day on April 29th.
"One can’t, in the era of media supremacy, make ones children go through everything which a wedding like this entails: not only the loss of ones private life; but also the sacrifice of oneself pure and simple. "
"The royal family is so spied upon, so scrutinised by the media that the life of these children becomes quite unbearable.
Asked directly what he thinks of the Royals in general, Amis replies: They are philistines.
Confirming that he would turn down a knighthood, Amis says: “I said I wouldn’t accept it. I don’t want any link with the British Empire. Its quite ridiculous. No, there’s no risk of that happening. In reality, I’d prefer not to be English.
In a particularly direct attack on the upper classes, Amis says: “As for the British aristocracy, its pathetic. All that snobbery is ridiculous today.”
Prettay Prettay Good is pleased to announce that Mr. Amis has received the award for Extraordinary Achievement in a Malicious Written or Verbal Assault on the British Monarchy (2011). Last year’s prize went to Amis’ best friend, Christopher Hitchens, for the rousing attacks on that dreadful piece of awards season fluff, “The King’s Speech.”
Mr. Amis can pick up his award package, which includes a handwritten note covered with gold stickers and a $5 coupon for Red Lobster, at the official Prettay Prettay Good office in lower Manhattan.
Update (4/18): Not to be outdone, Hitchens published a scathing indictment of the “Royal” family today. He describes Prince Charles as a “morose, balding, New Age crank and licensed busybody.” Kudos, Hitch.